Coffee and Contacts in the Evening

Are you listening?

I'm still running away

I wont play your hide-and-seek game

the sweetness will not be concerned with me.

I got a secondary from BU and the doubt rolled in with the fog.

At least that is how I woke up. I was in a really sour mood this morning. It was due to wracking my brain on what sort of narrative I will give as my secondary essay.

I am not consistent with what I want to do. I've never quite learned to do this: have habits that I deem cool and worthy. Like this one. Will this make me a bad doctor? No. In fact, a lot of being a doctor--as far as I've noticed--is dealing with the novelty of each person and their particular state. But that is not to say that being consistent with documentation of my thoughts would be amiss or useless.

Life in SF is always interesting. I've adapted nicely, I think... Although, I've not figured out the social scene here just yet. There are several young ladies that I've had a good time with (not like that). But, I takes initiative to date here, and money, and I barely have either. I've lost all interest cause I'm to busy comparing these merge lusts to the greater ills of the world. I guest it is also because I've lost a little faith in things.

I was talking to someone, who specifically I can not remember, and this fact will buttress the statement he made...

"Yeah, cities are hard [places to meet people]. You've got a million people all ignoring each other."

This is so true, to the point where I will not ever forget the statement. Sadly, the person who uttered those words has passed into the social fog, like most of those I meet.

I wont ever be as alone as I am here, nor will I ever live amongst so many.

Last night.

I've GOT to stop doing stupid shit when I drink.

I was out downtown, a long way from home. 2nd & Bryant I think it was, at the Nova bar. I went to go see Lil Lau, a friend of a friend, spin. She is great, a fun DJ, and I suspect, a creative one. This venue, she was not given the chance. One of her other friends, Carrie, is a beautiful LA native, and who is jewish. She is well out of my league.

There is something about her. I guess I'll find out.

Tales from the Syringe Exchange

"My parents would never understand this."

I've got this really bad habit of baring myself early. And the very cute but potentially hostile lesbian, Feminist studies intern didn't look scares me. I am the minority there. The staff are women or transgender man-women or guys who are not white. I'm the reviled, clean cut, unblemished, untarnished child of a society that has always cradled my kind: white men. But David likes me.

I'm at the needle exchange for my first time without Shelly. Earlier today I arrived for training. David, the health educator and Syringe exchange big-man, sat down with me in his open office on the second floor of the Tenderloin AIDS Resource Center to guide me through the training. The training came in Power-point pill form, a wave of comfortability washed over me. I had only attend several hundred hours of PP lectures since graduating high school. As we started, I began wondering about David.

Who was this person. David is a latino, light skinned, with big brilliant, hazel eyes. He wears a mustache-goatee combo and slicks his hair back, but the product is matte and his hair is without sheen. He wears baggy clothing: tee shirt and jeans. In his left ear he has a single earring; the letters SF in gold. It is his eyes that give him away. If you gouged out his eyes he'd be a very formidable and intimidating character. But his large eyes transmit compassion that is enforced by his choice of lifestyle and employment. David speaks slowly and deliberately, especially when explaining something. Expletives are threaded throughout his normal speech, even as he instructed me now with other office workers present. His normal way of speech has a urban cadence, he casually adds the word "hella" in as an adjective, its kin being "wicked". All that is description fodder because what matters is the content of his mind is good and clear and the profundity of his actions.