This is my sister

This is my sister...

the woman with two children.

"Quiet. I want to sit and listen to the rain. Stillness and stationary. No more voices; know more peace.

Where I live now, it's not hard to get depressed and anxious. Last two mornings at 5:00am, I've been out taking pictures of the sunrise. Seen an old man picking in the dumpsters. It should have broken my heart... only now with the rain falling I cry for him, because in this place you can't cry. I have grown wary and doubtful. Mine eyes deceive me. Should I remove Thee, offenders to my senses?

I went to see doctors, they give you pills; numbs the pain of being lost, feeling lost, and seeing the lost. But you just store it until you can tap into it. Have one or two or six drinks, it will find you. It will sneak up until you are bare bones exposed; brains and heart splayed for all; like a jump from a twenty story building.

Alcohol is not used to grow closer in the traditional sense, it's used for sex and forgetting, not sharing and being open.What happen to sharing around a fire and sweating in a tent ? Not only for the men.

What happen to running in the rain? Being free. Being sexy free and unafriad of looking at people in the eye?Now only: fearing the passing of one more judgment based upon a five second interaction. A look and a brush off. Fuck you, you don't know me.

That is not me. Years ago I would have not been so bitter. I thought that I had a chance of escaping... I've seen too many dragged down. No happy endings. I cry for them, I cry for me. I cry for my children who take my stress and outbursts and will form from it's aftermath a hate for me that is so strong it will make them afraid to be real with me later in their lives.

I keep reaching out but all I get is water on my palm.

I want to stand out in the rain and let it hide my tears and wash away the false. I don't think anyone here would understand.

Want if all at once everyone stopped what they were doing and went and stood in the rain?

Would we all realize how much we all need to be seen crying? To have someone ask after us and our children?

Or would we find out that upon being all together we would have less to cry about? "