My eyes...

This is what i've learnt

1) don't expect the wound to miss the knife. 
2) loneliness is a drill.
3) the mind is a holding tank. sometimes needs patching, sometimes becomes full, often time empty.
4) loneliness is a sharp drill
5) the tank's sides are weak
6) you can't look at the content all at once. 
          or you'll drown by the sight of it. 

As an act of contrition, this posted was edited.

Enjoy the Spring.

I like this song

The days go on, the lights go off and on
And nothing really matters when you're gone
If you think that you feel nothing at all
If you don't (If you don't)
Then you don't (No, you won't)
If you won't
Then you won't
And I will
Then I will

Dreams.

Maybe God thought I was having a shortage of regret in the waking hours so he gave me an ENTIRE night filled with dreams on the subject. 

The first dream involved no regret, but did involve 3 of 4 of my new roommates. I don't remember much from the dream accept one of my roommates was doubled... The scene just before I awoke was particularlly distrubing. She had come in from outside with acute hypothermia. We are talking dream over-rought acute; her back was frozen about the ribs. I remember picking her off the couch, stepping forward with her, then ploughing into the  coffee table, dropping her in slow motion. In my dream one of my roommates screams "MAAAAAAAAAATTTTT....". As I woke the Ts blended with the hissing sound of a city bus going by on the street. For a moment they were one in the same sound. Severely unsettling. 

So I saw that film last night. Without going into a huge description/review, it was about this period in famous film-maker Cazeh Zehedi's (make "A Waking Life") life when he was habitually sexing(ha) prostitutes while in relationships.

Some of the things he would say to his significant others to justify his desires, needs were distinctly familiar. I became somewhat nervous during the movie--well, I had to pee throughout the entire thing.

My other dream was entirely a scenario of recognition that I had behaved much like Cazeh with respect to my relationship with Samantha. I'm not going to go into much detail. But I do want to mention that this one scene

It's more about

I just saw an independent film at the Balboa Theater called "I am a sex addict" by the guy who directed "A waking life"

Really, really funny, artful and, in the end, touching. 

I'm glad to see people with vices who aren't ashamed to document them. It is difficult; you can take it to the grave.  

I wrote this at the beach on 4/20/06:

When I was young I faced east
when the sun was low it rose
rose above the Atlantic
and all the submerged histories
I knew nothing of

Now,here

The sun is low in the west, sinking
into the Pacific, or a slight sooner,
clouds make the western wall
The sun, in its ancient rung, has climbed from my birthplace
The place my parents
dipped my timid toes in the Icy brine
for the first time.

It's more about a life of first times, changes and impressions.
It's more about saying what you mean if you mean it
showing all your skin to the ones you want to keep
and loving completely the ones in your skin

It's more about living life,
than life.

California Girl

I met this girl last night.

She is from a town near Eureka (Nor Cal).

She is beautiful. Her eyes are brown, her smile is unforgettable. She has two tattoos, one of a lion on her lower back and a jasmine flower on her left hip. She is a Leo, born August 5. 

I am supposed to call her this week, maybe hang out. 

At the end of the night, as she was getting into the cab, she kissed me on the lips, not the cheek, but the lips. 

I hope I get to know her, and if she ever reads this, then she'll know I was thinking about her all day.