Weekend, today, etc.

This weekend was a little more than eventful. Kind of.

Friday night: Greg Douglass show, which was amazing. Bought his new CD, got it signed. Went home in a sour mood because. I think I realized that I that I could have been creating music all this time, all the time since high school. And, maybe I would be expressing myself and being a more effective human being. Or maybe I would've just looked down my nose at whatever else I didn't do to my satisfaction.

Off the subject completely, but I need to chonical what I see as a major character flaw in myself, something I struggle with daily. It may be sloth, or some innate sense of time that is so skewed that the urgent becomes unurgent and the time critical seems to be calling some bluff I have with it. I've had a real problem with this lately. Nothing is ever complete. Nothing is ever up to par. I could alway do more, so why do anything? You get no closer to your goal when your goal is set at infinity. This might seem like a theatrical exaggeration, but no- this is what I feel.

I guess the decisions I make them to try to dodge reality.

and what can I feel? nothing. unless there is a toxic fluid filtered in the morning hours. For the timebeing it is liquid emotion, wet neuronal stimulation. The consequences be damned. Need to be motivated, inspired, slight of self-loathing and great with tear.