Christmas Eve

This is my second Christmas away from home. I am twenty-five years old. People are taking longer to find their places in this big world of ours. I guess I should take my time. I guess I've got some time.

My first Christmas away from home was with Samantha in Great Neck. It was an interesting experience: a small (well, small for Long island), mostly jewish town for this holiday. Shops were open for Christmas Eve and shut for the Sabbath. To give Peter, Etty and Samantha the full representation of that the most high of Christian holidays, I decided to buy them all stockings, decorate them and put the usual assortment of goodies my family has in our stockings. They seem to enjoy it on some level. They ate some of the candy and cooed at the miniature cans of shaving cream and mouth wash. They humored me, and I will always be fond of them for that.

I am at the Potter's (and Marshall's) for the Christmas stretch this year. Binks' family is decidedly more alike my family than Samantha's. They are white and half from New England and generally very nice. I will say, there is a MAJOR difference between my family and the Potters': we are MUCH louder. Not as loud as the Turks, but loud.

Homesickness is really setting in. I particularly regret coming out west before the holiday season. I was a fool to think my coming out as soon as possible was going to result in timely employment. No one is going to get back to me before the 2nd of January, by which time I will have spend enough money for me to actually acquire a place in SF.

And I'm being lazy; lazy like I was in high school. It is amazing how much I think about this strange personality trait of mine, putting, in affect, more energy into worrying than actually curbing the problem with fruitful action. Whenever I know I'm backsliding, I'll have this dream. This dream comes in many different forms, having many different scenarios and characters, but the underlying resonance or regret i feel when I wake is exactly the same. I'm behind. I've missed many, many classes. I'm always confused by this news; it is shocking. i wonder how I could possibility catch up, gain lost ground. Consistence and even more strenuous work is required of me. I can not -- I'm really sick of these dreams.

Music

Science

Art

People

Health

Relax... there is nothing to achieve.

Obsessed with life.

Merry Christmas