9 years later

Struck by spring and moved to tears
immediately evaporated by the graceful breeze

two dreams of you, two mornings of familiar throbbing
some deep awaking wound, rising familiarity with the sun

somehow your face is as clear as this day... and it could
be the very next day from the one I realized I was not suitable, my actions not sufficent
my demeaner not tantalizing, my taste not palatable, my stature not intimidating enough to make you feel like a woman: small, protected, smart, slender, over-powered. I wanted too much equality.

The word of the day is rejection. Nine years later and still, STILL, I can feel the sting.

To switch gears...

What does it mean when I want something beautiful? What is it that makes you the way you are? I can't have you no more than I could understand why. Even if you were receptive and present, it would not be me.

solitary refinement is the name of the game. Not hard enough to tame, to completely there, to utterly bare, eyes begging for matching gazes. You aren't right where you are and I've got to say, love is love and at the end of the day you should feel the same way. You make a good team, though. Everything is safe there.


9 years later and I've not felt the same way since. I could wait to see all but you, I couldn't feel the excitement of spring in their voices. I was in love once, and I've sleep forever tonight, it will be always, just once.