A new twist on an old favorite.

I found this pasted into some self-obsessed girl's myspace (Melissa Sumitra Royblog. Wow, shit. I couldn't resist.

THIS IS TO ALL MY GIRLS:

You need to find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot.

( What you need is a guy with a more diverse lexicon; "I want to fuck your ass.", would be replaced by the more diplomatic "Let's make love a 'new' way.", and so on...)

Who calls you back when you hang up on him.

(I.e. someone who puts up with you being a cunt.)

Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

(Say, a male, with no job, and an addiction to methamphetamines. Specify also if he should be in the same room, cause I'm sure there are plenty of guys watching you sleep/undress with high-powered lenses from across the street.)

Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead.

(Oh, the one who is supremely condescending. What if he does this while telling you, even though he came home smelling of alcohol and 'another women', that you are over-reacting and you should just put down the paring knife)

Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.

(That is, your assless sweats, or the ones that cost him a truck load of cash.)

Who holds your hand in front of his friends.

(To drag you away from your friends when you become drunk and verbally abusive.)

Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.

(I.e. the one you would never want because that kind of admiration makes you want to vomit. Wait, great way to lose weight, maybe you do want him.)

Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's her."

("That's the one who lets me call her a whore in bed. I'm so proud.")